The Illusion of Safety

Insecurity is a state of being unsafe. Insecurity makes one feel uncertain, low on confidence and anxious about oneself. We are always searching for two kinds of security. Physical security and emotional security. Physical security is feeling physically safe and protected and emotional security is feeling emotionally safe about one’s emotions.We can easily get physical security from people around us but I think we make the mistake of finding emotional security as well, from others.

What happens when we make our emotional security dependant on others? We actually end up feeling more insecure because we are always under the fear of losing that security. We start acting and emoting what the other person will want us to be, to save this feeling of security. To retain this security we even cling on to the other person and unknowingly play the role of a parasite .We suck on to the other persons emotional strength , time ,energy and their valuable qualities. It no more remains a healthy relationship but a parasitic relationship in which one is continuously gaining and the other is continuously giving .

Why do we feel insecure and unsafe about our own emotions? Why do we look for our emotional security in different relationships? If we remember our childhood ,we will realize that we got conditioned to trust others more than us. We were taught how to respect others, talk with others, be nice with others, care and love others but we were rarely taught how to respect ,love,care and talk with our own selves. We were indirectly taught to repress our true feelings and emotions and thus we never felt comfortable and safe with our own emotions. We looked for our emotional safety and assurance from others. And because of this process we started trusting the other person more than us.We started feeling secure with them and insecure without them.We developed a very weak relationship with ourselves .We got disconnected from our being and started searching for this connection and security outside.

We should understand that a relationship is an inward outward journey and not vice versa .One cannot form good relationship with others if one has a weak relationship with oneself. Until one feels secure from within, one can never find security in one’s relationships. So Let’s focus first on building a good relationship with one self.